It’s Aromantic Awareness Week and I want to talk about my aro-ace, nonbinary transmasc, cyborg mercenary: Grigori Ignatenko. 

Grigori just made his worldwide debut in my short story “Firebird” which can be read in my friend @/EzraArndtWrites pro-bodily autonomy charity anthology: My Say in the Matter. All proceeds go to Abortion Fund, so please buy and/or spread the word!

In “Firebird” Grigori meets an energy spirit he has a lot in common with; both are someone else’s experiment, have severe trauma, and a long kill list. However, when the only way to get revenge is to literally become one, is revenge worth their loss of identity? Or is this the only way they’ll ever feel whole?

Grigori originated as a background character in the second book in my sci-fi trilogy. The main premise is that after a world war, global pandemic, return of fascism, and ecological disaster (all happening at once seemed so unlikely in 2015 😅) Earth decides to send five colony ships into space to restart the human race with the vague hope that the people left behind can resettle on these colonies once they’re stable (but we all know that is never going to happen). 

Grigori is part of team III led by former war criminal and skilled scientist, Anatoli Marinov. Grigori was part of Anatoli’s experiments as a kid (he turned Grigori into a cyborg) and that predictably made being on the same team as Anatoli difficult. After Team III leaves Earth, they run into an alien race who basically kidnap them and force them to work as mercenaries and problem solvers for their queen. 

Grigori is best friends with Ruslan, a bisexual doctor who is often torn between giving into the deep impulse to just kill everyone because humans are terrible and remembering the Hippocratic Oath and recommitting to Islam and caring for humanity. Grigori didn’t really develop into a full character until I started fleshing Ruslan out and a vague acknowledgement of each other turned into a very close friendship which borderlines queerplatonic, but neither can truly commit for various reasons and I’m not sure if they want to? The ambiguity suits them both and why ruin a good thing when they don’t have to.

Grigori’s identity is a double edged sword for him, as it is for me. We’re both aro-ace and we’re both nonbinary, and while those labels feel great when we’re alone, they are often turned into weapons when we engage with other people. People literally think they have the right to kill us because we’re “dangerous”. Add the fact that Grigori was kidnapped as a child and turned into a cyborg to be used during a world war, and it’s really no surprise he has no real connection to humanity or his own body. It was never his to begin with and it only serves as a reminder that people will never see him as he really is. 

I think if Grigori had discovered his identities by himself, people’s reactions would have confirmed he was a monster, but because he had Ruslan to help him and support him and affirm that there was beauty in who he was, robotic arms and all, his identity is a comfort at times. That being said, Grigori definitely feels that his lack of romantic and sexual attraction can create a wedge between him and Ruslan simply because Ruslan is allo and indulges in sexual and romantic feelings with his partners. Grigori knows that Ruslan would love to be able to have a romantic and sexual relationship with him, but Ruslan is just too good a friend to push the matter. (Actually, Ruslan is just struggling to find the language because while queerplatonic is a great word and concept, the English language, at least, is still struggling to capture that experience in a mainstream way and so he’s afraid of hurting or pushing Grigori away by adopting sexual or romantic language). And they both have so much trauma that relationships are hard in general. 

While Grigori knows Ruslan would love to engage in a relationship that matches what he knows, Grigori actually loves what their relationship actually is. They live together, but have their own separate spaces, go out together but also let each other wander on their own, they’re not exclusive which means Grigori doesn’t have to worry about the romantic/sexual stuff or feel any misplaced guilt, and Ruslan can be with whoever else he wants in anyway he wants, but they also know each other better than anyone and Ruslan is the only person Grigori trusts. He is also the only person Grigori can’t deny or disappoint. 

Besides Ruslan, Grigori doesn’t really care what happens to humanity. Personally, he thinks we should just destroy ourselves and spare the planet and other beings further harm. He only agreed to take part in the space colonies because Ruslan was going and he couldn’t bear being separated from his only friend. Deep down though, Grigori hates humanity and hates his own human form. 

It doesn’t feel like it has ever been his and he often wishes he could shed his skin like a snake and turn into something else. Something that matches his own vision of himself. While he has a connection to masculinity, he doesn’t enjoy that he can be identified as male, but also going on estrogen and having surgery wouldn’t do anything to help. It would probably make him feel even more alienated from his physical form. He sees himself as something beyond the physical, something that simply exists without a fixed form. Or something that can shift through different forms depending on what the situation needs. 

Thus, when an energy spirit comes up to him and is like “Hey, want to merge minds and forms?”, Grigori is more intrigued than horrified.