This is a really old piece that I wrote during my Caberet obsession.

Ah, welcome, welcome, my, we have a large crowd today. 

I am your MC and Host

Owner and keeper of Ubermensch Café

Where our men drip with testosterone 

and our women are better trained than well bred dogs

No one can play a marching beat like our orchestra

And when the girls come out in their army boots

It’s like being in Nuremberg all over again

One could simply die!

First, we must thank our patrons.

The old rascal Uncle Sam, give him a hand.

Dirtiest geezer that’s ever stepped foot in this reputable café

And, the lovely, wonderful, Mother Russia

Don’t you wish you had a mother like her when you were a child?

A backhand one second and a roll of ones the next.

We have a hell of a line up for you tonight.

Uncle Sam has gathered 3 scrumptious girls

But first, let’s see who’s here.

 Xi, I swear you haven’t moved from that spot in six years. 

What’s that? Lifetime member? 

Haven’t had one of those since Mao was hanging around. 

No, I swear. 

And here is our resident tiger and heart breaker-Vlad. 

Conquered any new countries lately? 

No? Ah, chin up. 

There’s always tomorrow 

Oh, a newcomer here and a looker at that. 

Bashur? 

Well, don’t you worry, dear, 

We’ll take good care of you.

Ah, here come the girls!

First, the lovely Democracy!

She’s a little bloated, that’s true, but no one’s perfect.

Here is her lovely twin sister, Justice!

Isn’t she a beaut? 

Backdoor’s a little sore, but don’t let that stop you

And, finally, Privacy. 

Look gents, no modesty left. 

Isn’t that lovely?

Ah, yes, Xi, my good sir. 

Democracy, you say? Are you sure? 

She’s been with some real dogs.

All in good fun, Vlad, all in good fun.

Ah, yes, Vlad, don’t you worry

Privacy was bought and reserved just for you

By the one and only, 

The wonderfully clueless: Mark!

Oh, Bashar, dear, I’m sorry 

but your card has been declined.

Oh! Vlad here’s willing to cover it. 

What a gentleman.

What’s that? Where’s surveillance and propaganda?
Don’s having a go at them in the back. 

Can’t you hear them squeal?

Yes, gentlemen, there is no place like the Ubermensch café 

We understand that hard working leaders of the world

Need a place to recharge

And have their bruised egos soothed

While the world burns.