Category: Blog post

Cosmic Phoenix

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Long has the cosmic phoenix held sway over me

The bringer of hope and destroyer of worlds.

A being of pure energy; capable of great cruelty and beauty.

Agender, transgender nonbinary, all used to describe me

And I find myself a spectrum bound in human form.

Long has the cosmic phoenix held sway over me

For some people consider aro-aces to be fantasy;

Hungering only for trusted company and cosmic wonders.

A being of pure energy; capable of great cruelty and beauty.

This mortal coil, a weapon used against me.

Always the mirror distorting my reflection.

Long has the cosmic phoenix held sway over me.

It’s not that I don’t have an identity.

It’s that you cannot understand me,

A being of pure energy; capable of great cruelty and beauty.

Don’t try to cage me

With your preconceived notions of who I should be.

Long has the cosmic phoenix held sway over me.

A being of pure energy; capable of great cruelty and beauty.

Who Killed Efrain Romero De La Rosa

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I’m not currently going through my writing folders and publish crap I wrote ages ago. Nope, not me.

Who Killed Efrain Romero De La Rosa

Who killed Efrain Romero De La Rosa, a man of 40, who struggled with schizophrenia?

Not us, says the American voters

We’re just waiting for this to blow over

Yeah, we voted for Trump, what of it?

We don’t want nobody dying

And, yeah, solitary confinement sounds horrifying

But it’s him or us, you see

That’s what they say on TV

Who killed Carlos Hernandez Vasquez, a boy of sixteen who was found unresponsive?

Not us, says Border Patrol

We had everything under control.

He was cared for.

Don’t ask me why no one was sent for

Don’t ask why he had to die

There are so many in here

One or two are bound to disappear

Who killed Roxsana Hernandez Rodriguez, her only crime being transgender and HIV positive?

Not us, says ICE

Our inmates’ health is our number one priority

But we must maintain the utmost authority

Roxsana was already trouble

And the lads wanted a chuckle

So we put her in the cooler

Then the lads grew crueler

Who killed Johana Medina Leon, a transgender woman on the cusp of achieving asylum?

Not I, says Corey A. Price

You all are always looking for a reason to blame ICE

It wasn’t our fault, honest!

It was her own diseased body that gave up on her

Besides she’s the ones we need to deter

Those who bring in diseases to our fair land

I’m sure Trump has a grand plan

Who killed Osmar Epifanio Gonzalez-Gadba, a man lost in segregation and withdrawal?

Not I, says Mitch McConnell,

The rest of the party nodding along

Glad his suffering wasn’t prolonged

Had to be segregated, so I was told

Proud the ICE officers exhibited self-control

Man who sees things is unnerving

And I think your criticism is undeserving

Who killed Jeancarlo Jimenez-Joseph, who struggled with psychosis?

Not I says Bill Barr

Picking the remains of the DOJ out of his teeth

I imagine not all was well underneath

In his mind, you know how they are

Best thing to do is keep them afar

Don’t misunderstand me, wouldn’t want them to perish

But it’s a thought that many Americans cherish.

Who killed Felipe Gomez Alonso, a boy of eight whose infection was allowed to grow?

Not I, says Kirstjen Nielsen

And it wasn’t because he wasn’t European

It’s not our fault he got an infection

While lying in cages that are not cages, in a dirty section

And the same goes for Juan de Leon Gutierrez and Jakelin Caal Maquin

They bring the disease with them as they sneak in.

Our facilities are clean and Trump’s policies are a win

Who killed Darlyn Cristabel Cordova-Valle, a girl of ten with spirit strong, but heart so frail

It was I says Stephen Miller

With pride

I was glad to watch her suffer and die

As she begged to see her mother

And thrown in where she belongs, with the others.

It is part of my plan

To cleanse this land

Who killed Wilmer Josue Ramirez Vasquez, a boy of 2 and a half months?

Not I says Mike Pence

And frankly I believe the media is being a bit dense

I’ve been to the facilities

They’ve been provided with all necessary utilities

No one enjoys when babies die

But the responsibility is not yours or mine

After all, God blessed us, not them. 

Who killed Mariee Juarez, a 20 months old baby?

I did, says Donald Trump

And I did it better than anyone

Now I won’t say it was fun, but I’m glad it’s done

And I’ll kill more, you’ll see, the numbers will be huge

I’ll single-handedly stop the deluge

I’m the only one who can do it

See, I’m the chosen one, I simply can’t quit!

The Ubermensch Café

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This is a really old piece that I wrote during my Caberet obsession.

Ah, welcome, welcome, my, we have a large crowd today. 

I am your MC and Host

Owner and keeper of Ubermensch Café

Where our men drip with testosterone 

and our women are better trained than well bred dogs

No one can play a marching beat like our orchestra

And when the girls come out in their army boots

It’s like being in Nuremberg all over again

One could simply die!

First, we must thank our patrons.

The old rascal Uncle Sam, give him a hand.

Dirtiest geezer that’s ever stepped foot in this reputable café

And, the lovely, wonderful, Mother Russia

Don’t you wish you had a mother like her when you were a child?

A backhand one second and a roll of ones the next.

We have a hell of a line up for you tonight.

Uncle Sam has gathered 3 scrumptious girls

But first, let’s see who’s here.

 Xi, I swear you haven’t moved from that spot in six years. 

What’s that? Lifetime member? 

Haven’t had one of those since Mao was hanging around. 

No, I swear. 

And here is our resident tiger and heart breaker-Vlad. 

Conquered any new countries lately? 

No? Ah, chin up. 

There’s always tomorrow 

Oh, a newcomer here and a looker at that. 

Bashur? 

Well, don’t you worry, dear, 

We’ll take good care of you.

Ah, here come the girls!

First, the lovely Democracy!

She’s a little bloated, that’s true, but no one’s perfect.

Here is her lovely twin sister, Justice!

Isn’t she a beaut? 

Backdoor’s a little sore, but don’t let that stop you

And, finally, Privacy. 

Look gents, no modesty left. 

Isn’t that lovely?

Ah, yes, Xi, my good sir. 

Democracy, you say? Are you sure? 

She’s been with some real dogs.

All in good fun, Vlad, all in good fun.

Ah, yes, Vlad, don’t you worry

Privacy was bought and reserved just for you

By the one and only, 

The wonderfully clueless: Mark!

Oh, Bashar, dear, I’m sorry 

but your card has been declined.

Oh! Vlad here’s willing to cover it. 

What a gentleman.

What’s that? Where’s surveillance and propaganda?
Don’s having a go at them in the back. 

Can’t you hear them squeal?

Yes, gentlemen, there is no place like the Ubermensch café 

We understand that hard working leaders of the world

Need a place to recharge

And have their bruised egos soothed

While the world burns. 

A Bad Day in July

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I’m tired

I’m tired of having to care about spreadsheets and other stupid things

When my world is dying

And my friends are dying

And the country I thought I knew and love

Never existed

And the country I”m left with

Isn’t worth saving

But it’s my home

And I’m afraid of leaving 

Everything I know.

But how can i stay

In a home that doesn’t want me?

That wants to kill me?

But first it’ll kill my friends

And my neighbors

And the people who make up the background of my life

People I don’t notice until they are gone.

I ride the bus and look at all the businesses

And people

And houses

And I ask myself, “will I notice when people start disappearing?”

Or am I so cocooned in my own white bullshit

I won’t even be aware anyone’s gone?

How many people have to disappear for anyone to care?

Not 1 million.

Not even 6 million.

I am busy

But am I making a difference?

Always asking am I involved with the right groups?

I’m never doing enough.

This isn’t a revolution

But I know one is coming.

Where do I find it?

How do I find it?

Am I brave enough for it?

How am I supposed to function?

How are any of us supposed to function?

I want to stop functioning.

I want to stop doing anything that contributes to this fucked up society

I want to step out

I want to lay down my sword and my pen

I want to sleep

And when I wake, I want to rip this world in two

I don’t want to be trapped in my whiteness

My middle-class nature

My bourgeoise upbringing

My nine-to-five, pay the bills on time

Always the rule follower

Spineless sycophant

Who needs everyone to love them

And be happy with them

Because all I’ve ever known is rejection and violence.

But I am response for four mentally ill people

Who I love

And I can’t retreat

Because where will we live?

How will we eat?

And that is how the system traps you

Because I have no community

And I don’t know how to build one

Because I hate people

And I hate vulnerability

And I’m so fucking tired of being treated less than human

And I’m so fucking tired of forced social interactions

I’ve never found my people

And I’m too scared to start looking

Because it requires too much from me

And so I’m trapped

Trapped in my trauma and my father’s horror

And my whiteness and my money

And I just want to claw out

But I’m afraid of blood.

Afraid of who I’ll cut 

During my mad escape

Afraid of where I’ll end up.

The fear of losing everything keeps you enslaved.

I have a life that many people would want.

I am safer than many of my peers and friends

I have a good place to live

I have a good job with good benefits

I’ve kept my family with me

They are alive and getting the help they need.

I am grateful for what I have

But it is also a heavy source of shame

Because I have it and don’t do enough with it

Because I have it when so many people don’t.

Because I can’t count the people I’ve harmed to get it.

Because I haven’t untangled how my whiteness helped me.

Because I can’t say that when the revolution comes, 

I should be spared. 

Reading List for #QueerDisabledBooksBingo

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In case you don’t know bhavya_reads on Twitter put together this wonderful bingo board for the months of June and July to celebrate Pride Month and Disability Pride Month! If you want to take part, join their challenge on Storygraph and if you’re on Twitter, use the hashtag #QueerDisabledBooksBingo! The goal is to read a mixture of books by queer disabled authors and books featuring queer disabled MCs.

I finalized my list earlier this week and most of my books have arrived from the library (although I’m waiting for six more), so I’ll be reading a lot this June.

These are the books I’m planning to read for #QueerDisabledBooksBingo:

The Final Strife by Saara El-Arifi


Three women, harmed and oppressed by a tyrannical empire, work together to spark a revolution just as the empire is changing its leaders. I’m about forty pages into this book and I’m really enjoying it. The world itself is horrible, but the worldbuilding is beautifully done and I’m already intrigued and invested in this world.

The Remarkable Retirement of Edna Fisher by E. M. Anderson


A fun sounding story that provides a fun spin on the chosen one trope. Instead of a young person, Edna, an elderly person, is chosen to stop an invasion of dragon riders and save the empire, but nothing is as it seems and Edna has to figure out who truly needs her help.


Muted by Miranda Mundt


Camille, a young witch, is expected to summon a Demon when she is 21. However, the ceremony goes wrong and reveals several terrifying secrets about her family.


Sanctuary Andi C Buchanan


A group of queer neurodivergent friends adopt a haunted house, befriending its ghosts, and turning their home into a sanctuary for anyone who needs it. However, a ghost hunter takes control of the house and threatens everything the friends have built.


Dead Space by Kali Wallace

Hester investigates the murder of one of her friends at an abandoned mine station. As she investigates, she discovers deadly secrets that very powerful entities want to remain hidden and, after all, no one in space can hear you scream.


Glitches and Stitches: Death Violation by Nicole Givens Kurtz

An inspector with PTSD, Fawn, must investigate the strange murder of a world famous scientist obsessed with cybernetics. However, his rival scientists care more about their own tech than the death of a colleague, a hacker gets involved, and a group with a history of human rights violations issues their own threats. Fawn has to solve the murder before the case overwhelms her.


Liar, Dreamer, Thief by Maria Dong

Katrina Kim has been following a crush. However, after her crush commits suicide in front of her, she realizes he knew she was there and that he has a secret life that she, somehow, didn’t know anything about. The further she dives into his life, the more fragile her grasp on reality grows. Can she solve the mystery before the mystery consumes her?


Being Seen: One Deafblind Woman’s Fight to End Ableism


This is both a memoir and analysis on the representation of disabilities in shows, books, movies, etc, written by a deaf blind writer

Otherbound by Corinne Duyvis


Amara and Nolan live completely different lives in completely different worlds, but they’re connected mentally through a power they don’t fully understand. As they work together to try and understand their connection, they bring upon themselves dangerous forces that want to utilize their power no matter the cost.

In-Between by MJ James


Alicia is a single mother with a son who is struggling in school. As she tracks down her son’s father, she discovers he was an Elf prince and now he wants his son to embrace his true role as his heir. I’m super excited about this book because it has aro and ace rep!


Timekeeper by Tara Sim

In an alternative Victorian England, clocks control time and a broken clock can freeze time. Danny’s father is frozen in a stopped town, and so he dedicated himself to fixing clocks. Now he is a skilled clockmaster who befriends a clock spirit. As a group begins to blow up clocks all over the empire, Danny and his friend must figure out how to stop them before the clock spirit becomes the next target.


Nothing Without Us


Nothing Without Us and Nothing Without Us Too are two anthologies of short stories written by disabled authors and put together by my friend Cait Gordon and Kohenet Talia Johnson.